Perpetual lateness: breaks, undermines spirit and enterprise, stresses and slowly kills

You know that person in your life; the one who always shows up an hour plus later? The individual who walks into meetings after everyone is already seated? The friend who makes you wait at restaurants so often you’ve memorized the menu before they arrive? The household that runs on a flipped schedule and every thing is late? The company that loses value to truncated meetings? The system and culture we have created where everything is late – wedding receptions, funerals etc

This thing is slowly killing us and causing tension and separation: conscious and unconscious, direct and indirect. And for those who choose to hang in there with the perpetually late, both individual and system, it brings stress and, to be honest, disease. 

We’re talking about more than just inconvenience here. This is about relationships unraveling, opportunities slipping through our hands, and trust eroding one delayed arrival at a time.

Let’s start by interrogating what perpetual lateness actually is. We are not talking about the occasional delay. And yes, we know life happens, traffic exists, emergencies arise. 

Perpetual lateness refers to a consistent and habitual pattern of being late, whether for work, meetings, appointments, deadlines, or social events. It is more than the occasional hiccup; it is a recurring behaviour that becomes part of a person’s routine, almost their identity.

This vice has its unmistakable characteristics

First, it’s chronic, happening regularly, not just once in a while. Second, it’s predictable. Others start to expect the person to be late, building buffer time into their own schedules or, worse, starting meetings without them. Third, and perhaps most frustrating, it’s resistant to change. Even after being called out or experiencing negative consequences, the behaviour often continues like a tumour that keeps growing back.

So what are the underlying drivers of this cancer? 

The roots run deeper than simple carelessness. Time mismanagement sits at the top. People consistently underestimating how long tasks take, as if they’re operating in some alternate universe where traffic doesn’t exist and every green light is guaranteed. Then there is overcommitment, that modern disease of trying to do too much in too little time, saying yes to everything and everyone.

Disorganisation plays its part too. Poor planning, scheduling conflicts, and the general chaos that comes from living without structure. Procrastination is always in the shadows, delaying preparation or departure until the last possible minute, turning every exit into a rash. Some of this comes down to personality traits; some people are simply more impulsive or present-focused, living entirely in the now without much regard for the future consequences of their actions.

But dig deeper, and you will find psychological roots. Perpetual lateness can stem from anxiety, control issues, or even a subtle form of rebellion or avoidance. Some people are late because they fear being early and having to make small talk. Others use lateness as a way to feel important or to maintain control over situations.

The rent paid for relating and living with the perpetually late

The price of living and relating with the perpetually late is steep. It damages trust and credibility. How can you rely on someone who can’t manage their own schedule? It affects relationships, both personal and professional, creating frustration and pain. Missed opportunities follow, along with disciplinary actions and burnt bridges.

For the married, this cancer extends into the most intimate spaces. Late going to bed becomes another battleground, disrupting sleep schedules and creating chaos in the bedroom. One partner lies there waiting, watching the clock tick past reasonable hours, while the other shuttles around, always “just finishing one more thing.” This breeds its own special kind of resentment. The exhausted spouse who has to rise early for work, lying there frustrated while their partner operates on their own timeline, oblivious to the ripple effects. Romance dies when spontaneity is killed by poor timing. Connection becomes impossible when basic respect for shared schedules disappears. The bedroom, meant to be a sanctuary of partnership, becomes a source of tension and disconnection.

And here’s what we don’t talk about enough: it causes stress for everyone involved. Not just the late person scrambling to catch up, but everyone else affected. As a matter of fact, it contributes to some of the ill health we see among those living and relating with perpetually late people and systems.

The fix

Thankfully, the answer is soft and behavioural. Yet it requires the one thing the perpetually late seem to struggle with most: showing up.

It starts with acknowledging it is a problem. No more excuses, no more “that’s just how I am.” It requires understanding the underlying causes, being honest about whether it is poor planning, deeper psychological issues, or simply bad habits. 

Then comes the hard part: making deliberate behavioural and mindset changes. Time blocking, setting alarms earlier, building in buffer time, or seeking professional help if deeper issues are involved.

So, the truth: perpetual lateness is not only a harmful habit. It’s a relationship killer, a value and trust destroyer, and a slow poison that seeps into every interaction and others lives that have nothing to do with the habit, apart from being a spouse, friend, coworker or community member or citizen.

Where is that club that looks after those: with mental health issues caused by the disorderly; that are dying on their feet for the habits of the perpetually late? And, how can we help and support the perpetually late?

Familiar dilemma? May God help us!